Mark

A David Haines Production for HainesUK

In association with The Mini Fund

Mark is an upstanding citizen. Student at Durham University. Inspiration to his younger brother. Suicidal lunatic? Surely not! Read on...

Mark has set himself the personal target of running around every roundabout in Durham the wrong way. In his own words...

"I Feel I should explain the whole roundabout thing. It all started way back when.................wiggly lines.................wiggly lines.....

At one formal I got coined on 3 consecutive glasses in very short order. So I drank the remaining half bottle of wine in no time then went to the bar. All this, especially the "impact drunkenness" of the wine downing, left me a bit inebriated. Set off home at about 1am, there was no traffic so I decided to make a start on my ambition to run on the road the wrong way round the roundabouts in Durham. (Ian thought this was a good idea at the time, when he was drunk, I was the only to think this was a fun idea beforehand when I was just being me). I selected the roundabout outside Hild and Bede, a 5 lane merger so it was a fair distance around. On the first lap I narrowly avoided a taxi and enjoyed myself so much I went for a second lap. Unfortunately half way around there was another car so I hopped on to the infield section. The car slowed down and I noticed a word on the front - POLICE. Arse. The car stopped and the officer asked if I was running away from someone, I said I was running home, waving vaguely in front of me (the opposite to the way home). The police drove off and I had to walk on as if going "home". They did a full circle of the roundabout to check on me and left where they came from. When out of sight I turned around and scuttled off home.

There are 6 roundabouts in Durham. I have now done two with one that needs to be done again to my satisfaction. Two are slightly out of the way from any drunk (that is a rule of my game) return from Kingsgate or college. One can easily be done after returning from Newcastle. The other is a gigantic one right in the centre of Durham, I am thinking of saving this to graduation although I could get them all done before the end of the year."

"On my return from a night out in Newcastle I used the opportunity to complete two more roundabouts. One, a big one at the station exit, it was quite busy with taxis but ! picked a good gap and did 3/4 before hopping on the grass in avoidance of another taxi that then turned off before me so in needn't have bothered. In retrospect I guess it doesn't count but we should be going to Newcastle again sometime and I will do it properly. The other was really small but busy and had three police cars going round as I arrived so I was quite scared, happy nothing happened and that one is well and truly done unless I change the rules of the challenge again and decide Alex has to film me complete each one. I have also been around the original the roundabout twice more and this time Alex filmed on his digital camera."

In similar fashion to Ed, Mark has an affection for children's television programs, his viewing of choice is Tiny Planets. He wrote a letter to them following an inaccuracy he spotted. Here is his letter and the response he received:

From: Mark Coughlan <(address removed)>
To: bong@tinyplanets.com
Date: Sat, 19 Apr 2003 15:39:08 +0100

I would like to congratulate you on the quality of the show which has
achieved a cult following in sectors of Durham University, England -
one of Britain's leading universities. Make of that what you will.

May I also inquire as to the release date of the Tiny Planets
merchandise and will it be available to overseas customers?

Finally in the closing credits for the programme there is a scene
where Bing and Bong are travelling backwards on the sofa without the
bungee cord visible. I feel it ought to be there, does the graphics
department have a riposte?

Thank you in advance,
Mark Coughlan

------------------------------------------

From: Carl Goodman <Carl.Goodman@peppersghost.com>
To: (address removed)
Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2003 14:58:22 +0100

Dear Sir, 

Many thanks for your e-mail concerning Tiny Planets; whilst the
initial target age range for the series was somewhat younger than that
of most degree students in the UK, it is indeed gratifying to know
that Bing & Bong have made a connection with the nations educational
establishments! 

As far as merchandise is concerned, videos, DVD's, books, cuddly toys
(very cute cuddly toys) t-shirts, CD-Roms etc will be available from
about the middle of this year. (Did I mention the cuddly toys were
very cute?)

As to the closing shot; there are two possible explanations: 1) is
that the oscillation of the bungee rope momentarily caused it to
exceed the speed of light, hence becoming invisible. 2) Is that the
animator cocked up, and absolutely nobody has noticed it until now. 

Please feel free to choose which of these explanations you feel most
appropriate, but suffice it to say that the animator is being slain
even as we speak... 

Kind regards

The Tiny Planets Team!

Heard what Richard Branson's up to now? Mark has.

Dear Sir,

It came to my attention in the newspaper this morning that Richard Branson had offered to purchase the BA Concorde fleet for £1.

With respect to this I would like to enter a formal offer of £2.

As well as due consideration of this bid I would also appreciate that it doesn't become public knowledge as I fear I wouldn't be able to sustain a bidding war.

I hope this initial advance is successful and we can enter into further negotiation, like a half tank of fuel to get me going and a set of table tennis bats.

Yours faithfully,

Mark Coughlan

------------------------

From: "British Airways (UK)" <webform@contact.britishairways.com>

Dear Mr Coughlan,

Please call your local enquiries or sales department, where one of our agents would be glad to assist you.

The numbers can be found on ba.com at:

http://www.britishairways.com/inside/wrldwide/contact/docs/rs1.shtml

Thank you for contacting us.

Nisha.

British Airways.

Mark won the spectacular sum of £10 in a fantasy Economics thing. Here he is receiving his prize:

Comedy cheques being exploited here...

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