A David Haines Production for HainesUK

In association with The Mini Fund

Attention traveller, 

you are in luck to have stumbled here; 

for this page has been updated

with a panda scratching his ear!

  This is my page. Worship me!!!!

      Is this making you dizzy?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Warning: in order to fully appreciate this page you need Internet Explorer Version 4.0 or above and a very childish nature.

Yes its true, by popular demand, this site has been updated. Well, not really popular demand, just the demand of a popular person; the wise and ever-flirtatiously persuasive Miss Laura "Legs" Higgins.

I'm afraid, however, that im going to have to leave the old stuff here cos its too good to get rid of. There's self-gratification for you (WELL if no-one else will tell me how great this is, seriously; EMAIL ME!!)

Right. My life, recently. Ummmmmmmm nope, no interesting injuries or deformities OOOH skiing that was good. Yes i have been skiing most rampantly in the french alps with my beloved aunt and uncle (thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU), and have enjoyed the pleasures of confusing lost chavs with the whole bilingual gig. Pictures soon (BROTHER!! GET THEM PICTURES UP!) theyre good, he befriended some French weirdos. Weirder than usual. 

While thinking about what to type next, a small voice squeaked "exams?" and a much larger one yelled "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS NOT TRUUUEEE!!!" yes denial time has come again although I can't imagine why as there are no more exams. 

Some final words of wisdom before i leave you to tral the rest of the page for my insightful comments on a younger, simpler me; Ripley & Scuff are TOP BANANA!

Hello, and welcome to my insanity.  I will now lead you into the bizarre, dangerous and surreal world that is what I consider worthy of the Internet.  Please note:  This page is in no way affiliated with the genetic joke who happens to be my brother, Also, I will not be held responsible for any side effects from the silliness of this page. Should you find yourself suddenly attacked by a hairdresser wielding five bananas and a cherry tree, run for the hills! Sorry about this bit. It was an attempt at humour, but I'm sure you all laughed AT it.

Well. Now we've got past the formalities of introduction, I suppose I should put some actual internet-worthy content here. I think I shall share with you the benefit of my wisdom. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn, eat yellow snow, attempt negotiation with a big mean dog, or call a chav a chav.  Now, for no reason, apart from the sheer insanity of the world around us, here is a strange little animation. The dancing stickmen I do like. They stay!! Can't quite remember where i nicked them from but hey.

Any fans of Benjie Groom , the truly bizarre but very cool pagan (and I know there are many), click here. INFINITE SADNESS! Resident bible-basher (sorry! CHRISTIAN) Rose Paterson has led young Benjie astray and he is now something of a God groupie.

Listen carefully. What you are hearing is the forgotten art of silent conversation. Women: take note.

Who considers absolute happiness to be superior to a cheese sandwich? Email me if you disagree with any of the following statements.

1. Nothing is better than absolute happiness.                                                                        
2. A cheese sandwich is better than nothing.
3. Ergo, a cheese sandwich is better than absolute happiness.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum.  

Stop press! The people have spoken. Matt Pritchard, renowned theologian and all round clever person has found fault in this proof;

 This counter-proof has been reproduced in its original form. Deepest apologies to those of you who have been living your lives by the initial proof up to now, and also to the almighty Matthew Pritchard.

UPDATE: following these findings, Miss Laura Higgins noted that:

"happiness, in my opinion, is j-lo panties and marmite"

What do you think? Email me and i shall add your pearls of wisdom to this commendable, although small collection.

HEY! WAKE UP! THIS IS INTERESTING!  No it's not. What a stupid thing to say. This website is so poor. I really am sorry. Lodge all complaints to nick@hainesuk.com

I bet you think you're pretty sharp. Don't lie. You do, don't you!!! Click here now! Seriously it's a pretty cool game.

What else is worthy of my website????? Nothing, for nothing can match the coolness of this site! I really must get away from the computer- i'm getting dillusional.

Hmmm what else.....

Don't worry if you're ever in a tight spot, because there is an easy way out

OK- I'm certain you don't care- but here' my cat, Sugar.

                              

(about 6 years ago)                                                                     (now)

If anyone's interested (which I doubt VERY much) this is my school's website

OK- here's my email. Don't send me any spam.  Just don't, or I'll send round my hit men- Benjie and the cat.

Here you reach the end of my website. You will find nothing more here, apart from a troupe of dancing stickmen, escaped from their own reality. Do not look directly at them! I must say farewell, and bid you good morning, day, afternoon, evening, night or parallel existence. And if you look up at the sky tonight and see a burning flash, you will know that I have gathered enough fuel to return home to Ursa Proxima. Beware of those bearing dustpans and hoovers, for it is they who will make you tidy up. 

There is only thing left to say.

So long and thanks for all the fish

Look at them go!!!!

Truly great. There is nothing more to say about the dancing stickmen. They can speak for themselves...them and THIS army!!

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